搞笑的“好好先生”——读成语故事《好好先生》读后感

送个两个 ,你自己选一个,第一个比较搞笑 ,第二个比较简单 你自己看着办 ,但愿有你喜欢的 !
英语搞笑话剧《孔雀东南飞》
Wander severy five miles
焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)
焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)
太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)
Prologue本文转自：www.***.com小品剧本,简历封面,免费电影
(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)
J:Everybody says that I'm henpecked,but in fact,I’m as strong as a tiger,(小声)while my wife is WuSong.
(指着上台处的门大声道)I’m not afraid of you!
(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’m afraid of whom?
My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.She is braver than me,
smarter than me and stronger than me.All this I do not care.I only want her to be tender than me.But she is not!Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell(地狱)! (内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)
MyGod!Who can help me?(下)
Act1
(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)
JM(拄拐棍上):I can!
(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Where are you?
L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’m here!What’s up mum?
JM:I‘ve told you again and again that you should call me“my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”.
L:OK.My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law,what’s up?
JM:Since you married my son you have behaved so badly.You have been so rude,so brusque,so
lazy……
L:But……
JM:Never interrupt me!
L:Never interrupt me!Since I married your son,that terrible Johnny,I have been working hard all day long,cooking and washing.I have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and……
JM:But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!
L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,you want a grandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Go and ask your son.I’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)
Act2
(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)
L:Mum,I’m back!
LM:You are back?Why?What happened?
L:I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.
LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!I have already told you!When you insisted on
marrying that terrible Johnny,I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor,but you did not listen to me.Look at yourself……
L:But,mum……
LM:Never interrupt me!
L:Mum,I’m not interrupting you.I just want to tell you that you are always right OK? And
I’ll marry whom ever you want me to.
LM(大喜):Nice girl!Just now,I met the mayor’s son in the market.He said:“If your daughter Haven‘t been married,I really really want to marry her!”Now you are free again,I’ll go and tell him.(下)
L(惊愕):What?The mayor’s son?The most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的锅铲掉在地上)What a silly thing I have done (下)
Act3本文转自：
(J睡眼惺忪上)
J(边走边道):Lunch! Lunch !Where are my socks? (走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Here they are!(闻一下) Er!How smelly!They are still
dirty! (突然想起)Lunch has gone!I have to wash them myself. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’m so hungry!But there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围 裙)This is what Lunch always wears!I miss her so much,and her excellent cooking skill!Now
she has gone.I have to cook for my mother and myself.
JM(上):Where’s my breakfast?Where’s Lunch?Hasn’t she got up yet?
J:Mum,can’t you remember?Lunch has gone!
JM(沉吟刻):Well,to tell you the truth Johnny,a son without a wife is useless.Lunch is a nice
girl,go and take her back!
J(立正敬礼):Yes madam!
Act4
(J开心地走着,忽然跳出来三个强盗)
A:Hey you!Stop and Listen to us!
The road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
B:And I planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
C:If you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头,但踩到了A的脚)
AB&C:Give us all your money!
J(搜遍了每一个口袋,掏出1角硬币):Is 1mao enough?
(三强盗晕倒状,接着三人聚在一边商量)
A:What bad luck!This guy is broken!
B:If we can not rob any money today,we will have nothing to eat tonight!
C:I heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry Miss Liu Lanzhi next month.WE can go and rob the wedding!
A&B:Good idea!
J(惊讶):What?What?Lunch is going to get married?It’s impossible!
AB&C:Why?A pretty girl and a rich man,what a good couple!
J:But Lunch is my wife!We haven’t got divorced yet!
(突然有了主意)I’ve got an idea!You are going to rob the wedding,don’t you?I’ll go
with you.You take the money and I take the bride.
B:Have you got any experience?
J:No.But I’ve got this!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票,上书＄1,000,000)
Act5
(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上,J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
(J和三强盗跃至台中)
ABC&J:Hey you!Stop and listen to us!
A:The road is built by me!
B:And I planted one tree.
C:If you want to go by this street---
J:Give us all your money!
(L听到J的声音,掀起了盖头)
L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)
(MS大怒,挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲,MS打中了J身后的L,L晕倒)
J(火冒三丈):How dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向MS冲去）
(J与MS混战,JM上,以拐杖击晕MS)
(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
J(扶起L,关切地问):Honey,how are you?
L(哭状):I hurt a lot!
J:Don’t cry baby.I’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)
L(起身去追):Wait for me! (跑下)
(音乐起 Can You Celebrate)
2、英语短剧：小兔子乖乖
时间：阳光明媚的星期天早晨
地点：鸟语花香的动物王国
人物：Little Duck,Miss Cat, Miss Rabbit,Mr Dog
旁白：Little Duck要去看望外婆.一路上他又唱又跳,高兴极了.在小河边,他碰到了Miss Cat.
Duck：（很好奇）Hello,Miss Cat．Whatre you doing?
Cat：（急得抓耳挠腮）Hello,Little Duck．Theres a big fish in the river．Im hungry,but I cant get it．
Duck：Dont worry．Let me help you．
（Little Duck跳进水里,一会儿就帮Miss Cat抓到了鱼.）
Duck：Here is the fish for you,Miss Cat．Have a good meal．
Cat：Thank you,Little Duck．You are so kind．
Duck：Thats all right,Miss Cat．I must go now．Im going to my grandmothers home．Bye-bye!
Cat：Bye-bye!
（Little Duck继续赶路.忽然他看到Miss Rabbit躺在草地上,连忙跑过去.）
Rabbit：（躺在草地上）Oh,Little Duck．I run too fast and my leg is broken．I cant stand up and I cant walk．
Duck：Dont worry．Let me help you．
（Little Duck拿出一条手帕帮Miss Rabbit包扎好伤口,然后扶着她回家.）
Duck：Dontworry,Miss Rabbit．Youll getwellsoon．
Rabbit：Yes,I will．Thank you,Little Duck．Its so kind of you．
Duck：Not at all,Miss Rabbit．But I must go now．Im going to my grandmothers home．Good-bye!
Rabbit：Good-bye!
（Little Duck唱着歌又开始上路了,走着走着,他看到Mr Dog坐在家门口,看上去非常着急.）
Duck：Good morning,Mr Dog．You look worried．What can I do for you?
Dog：Oh,good morning,Little Duck．I got a letter from my friend,Mr Cock．ButIcantread and Idontknow what he wants me to do．
Duck：Dont worry,Mr Dog．Let me help you．
（Mr Dog笑呵呵地把信递给Little Duck,Little Duck很仔细地将信的内容读给Mr Dog听.）
Dog：（满意地笑）Thank you,Little Duck．Its really very kind of you．
Duck：Youre welcome,Mr Dog．（抬头看看挂在半空中的太阳）But I must go now．Im going to see my grandmother．
Dog：（摸摸Little Duck的头）Dont worry,Little Duck．Let me send you to your grandmothers home．
Duck：Thank you,Mr Dog．
（Mr Dog驮着Little Duck一路欢歌笑语向外婆家跑去……）

例如你的同事有没有什么昵称,例如我们班的“包子”,“录音机”,还有就是一些动画或漫画中的人物,如蜡笔小新,Hello Kitty······这个就要自已想了,我也弄过,只要是一些日常大家都知道的东东就行了!

以下ABCDE来代表依次5人 我也是初一的..
A:Hello B, why are you cry?
B:Oh my god! I lost my bag.
C:What color is it?
B:It's blue. Yes blue!
C:Is it yours?
B:No,I think that's D's bag.
D:Yes It's mine.
A:And Is it yours?
B:No,It's black, I think that's E's.
E:Look! your bag is over there!
B:Where?
E:Under the tree!
B:Oh thanks! That's mine!
A:Look that cat! It bites your bag!
B:No! No! Get out here!
你给ABCDE各定义一个名字, 再代入文章.5分钟绝对行.最后一句话有些搞笑色彩.

持续以迅雷不及掩耳盗铃儿响叮当仁不让世界充满爱搭不理屈词穷之势

甲：来,跟你玩个游戏!
　　乙：什么游戏?
　　甲：倒顺词!
　　乙：倒顺词?听起来挺好玩的.
　　甲：就是把一个词倒过来念,变成另一个词.
　　乙：懂了,开始吧!
　　甲：黄金是金黄的.
　　乙：白银是银白的.
　　甲：我用生字组词.
　　乙：我背新的词组.
　　甲：小样儿,对得不错嘛!
　　乙：当然!我是谁啊?“聪明的一休”!
　　甲：我的女儿多可爱!
　　乙：这算什么?猪有一窝儿女.
　　甲：来,再来,我就不信赢不了你!
　　乙：奉陪到底!
　　甲：我养蜜蜂酿蜂蜜.
　　乙：我为奶牛挤牛奶.
　　甲：猪是牲畜.
　　乙：你是畜牲.
　　甲：你怎么骂人了?
　　乙：对不起对不起,我不是故意的.
　　甲：算了,君子不计小人过.寒风呼呼地刮着.
　　乙：刮得你染上了风寒.
　　甲：咦,你怎么又咒我?
　　乙：Sorry啦!
　　甲：我们上街购物.
　　乙：街上热闹非凡.
　　甲：你别太得意洋洋,出些高难度的,接招吧!
　　乙：你也别洋洋得意,我一定会不甘示弱的!
　　甲：听好了!科学是一门学科.
　　乙：[哈哈大笑]这有什么难的?给我伴舞的人是我的舞伴.
　　甲：[开心的样子]泡水时,我不小心烫了你一脚水泡.
　　乙：[扬了扬眉毛]你伤害了我,犯罪了,大家都叫你罪犯.
　　甲：算了,再说下去三天三夜也说不完.这次算平手,我们下次再比!
　　乙：好哇,下次比你也一定是我的手下败将!
　　甲：哼,走着瞧!
　　甲：嘿,这倒顺词还真有趣,继续继续!
　　乙：好呀!
　　甲：我们的学科中有一项是科学.
　　乙：小case,我喜欢喝我们家奶牛的牛奶．
　　甲：哼,别得意,再来!
　　乙：好,一旦被毒蛇的蛇毒接触到皮肤就麻烦了!
　　甲：他的情人很有人情．
　　乙：我把书包的课本拿出来准备包书皮．
　　甲：我用羊圈来圈羊．
　　乙：我们家肉猪的肉和别家的猪肉比起来差远了．
　　甲：你好厉害啊,我想一下．
　　乙：哈哈,答不出来了吧!
　　甲：哦,我用鱼网网鱼．
　　乙：既然你答上来,我就奉陪到底．
　　我用画笔写”李”字的笔画．
　　甲：天上洁白的云彩在晚霞是都变成了美丽的彩云．
　　乙：这支彩色的笔可以画出色彩鲜艳的画．
　　甲：这口水井还没有枯竭,还有一点井水在里面．
　　乙：黄金是颜色金黄的．
　　甲：这位少年经常帮助年少的弟弟妹妹．
　　乙：有些文盲经常摸读盲文,增长自己的知识面．
　　甲：有些名人的艺名和人名是不一样的．
　　乙：简单!我下乡看望乡下的亲人．
　　甲：我用口罩罩口．
　　乙：我用铁锤锤铁．
　　甲：天气太热了,我启动风扇为我扇风．
　　乙：我用锅盖盖锅．
　　甲：他是个痴情的情痴．
　　乙：乡下人喜欢把油彩捣成菜油．
　　甲：哇塞,你太厉害了,在下甘拜下风．
　　乙：哈哈,这到顺词真是有趣!

Cindy森叠,正：三地
tiger 体格,正：太格（儿）

以前有个男人学了点外语并且字认为学的不错,一天他出门不小心撞了一个老外江苏镇江高一英语书第2单元的READING部分是一个类似小话剧的故事不过不搞笑..

0雨伞
大象
打麻将
螃蟹
皮影
猩猩
占座
摩托车
人
开车
围裙
小兔子
猫头鹰
羽毛球
遛狗
跳棋
口红
摔倒
喜羊羊
小白兔
电风扇
恐龙
水龙头
宫爆鸡丁
老虎
美女
老鼠
足球
南瓜
方便面
打架
电脑
三心二意
凤姐
嚎啕大哭
（1）空 调、面 粉、口 红、白 色、皮 影、铅 笔、足 球、酱 油 （2）自行车、大 米、香 水、兰 色、评 剧、橡 皮、篮 球、牛 奶 （3）电视机、馒 头、雨 伞、红 色、京 剧、书 包、排 球、豆 浆 （4）冰 箱、油 条、餐巾纸、绿 色、话 剧、眼 镜、乒乓球、啤 酒 （5）洗衣机、面 条、超 市、黄 色、小 品、音 响、网 球、象 棋 （6）电风扇、蛋 糕、电 话、黑 色、相 声、电 话、羽毛球、围 棋 （7）饮水机、苹 果、围 裙、紫 色、舞 蹈、风 筝、杂 技、军 棋 （8）电 脑、香 蕉、手 机、灰 色、武 术、蜡 烛、魔 术、跳 棋
我们中学是有一种玩法,猜完每个词之后是一个句子,可以根据句子才最后一个词,挺有趣的
祝玩得愉快

One day,the phone rang,and a little boy answered.
"May I speak to your parents?"
"They're busy."
"Oh.Is anybody else there?"
"The police."
"Can I speak to them?"
"They're busy."
"Oh.Is anybody else there?"
"The firemen."
"Can I speak to them?"
"They're busy."
"So let me get this straight -- your parents,the police,and the firemen are there,but they're all busy?What are they doing?"
"Looking for me."
他们忙着呢
一天,电话响了,一个小男孩接起电话.
“我可以和你的爸妈说话吗?”
“他们忙着呢!”
“哦.旁边还有别人吗?”
“有警察.”
“我能和他们说话吗?”
“他们忙着呢!”
“哦,那还有别人吗?”
“还有消防员.”
“我能和他们说话吗?”
“他们忙着呢!”
“哦,那就是说：你爸妈,警察和消防员都在旁边,但是他们都在忙.他们在干嘛呢?”
“他们在找我.”
2 前台小姐：“hello?”
老外：“hi.”
前台小姐：“you have what thing?”
老外：“can you speak English?”
前台小姐：“if I not speak English,I am speaking what?”
老外：“can anybody else speak English?”
前台小姐：“you yourself look.all people are playing,no people have time,you can wait,you wait,you not wait,you go.” 老外：“good heavens.anybody here can speak English?”
前台小姐：“ shout what shout,quiet a little,you on earth have what thing.”
老外：“I want to speak to your head.”
前台小姐：“head not zai.you tomorrow come.”

8个人?难得找个这么多人的本子.
THE MASK 面膜
剧情大意：
Julie是一个很爱美的高中生,在班上人缘很好,但是她爱美的个性使得她变得有些自傲.对於外貌毫不在意的Cathy,因此是跟Julie完全搭不上线的同班同学.一天下午,Julie在跟哥哥聊天后发现自己脸上长了一个很大的脓疱,於是她将浴室里那瓶神奇面膜敷在脸上,隔天早上起床后,可怕的事情就发生了……
Narrator
Julie
Cathy
Debbie
Teresa
David
Julie’s dad
Julie’s mom
Classmate A
Classmate B
Classmate C
Classmate D
Scene 1
Narrator: Julie is a very pretty girl who is popular with her classmates. But she has a serious problem—she is vain. One day, during lunch hour at school, the two pretty girls are talking which color nail polish to put on.
Debbie: What colors should I put on nails for the math class? Look, my calculator is black but my shoes are pink. Maybe I can choose both of the colors. That will be cool.
Teresa: What about me? I don’t know which color I should put on for the PE class, either. My sneakers are blue and the athlete uniform is orange. Would you advise me? (Cathy comes in)Oh hi, Cath, what do you think—blue or orange?
Cathy: Gosh, I don’t know. Is this important? (Answer impatiently)
(The other girls laugh)
Debbie: God, you don’t know anything, do you, Cathy?
Teresa: Yeah, you don’t even brush your hair in the mornings. Scarecrow!
(The other girls laugh at Cathy louder.)
Cathy: At least I’m not stupid like you! Don’t you have something better to talk about than make-up?
Teresa: You are just jealous of us because you’re so ugly!
Cathy: How dare you! (Cathy shouted, trying not to cry, and turn to Julie) Tell them to shut up!
Narrator: Julie is offended by Cathy. She thinks Teresa is right.
Julie: Look in the mirror, Cathy. (The three of them walk out.)
(Cathy is irritated and tears drop.)
Scene 2
Narrator: The same evening, Julie is trying to do her science homework when her brother comes in.
David: Do you have the money I lent you last week, Julie?
Julie: Sorry, Dave. I bought some mascara yesterday.
David: But you promised! I need it for the movies tonight!
Julie: It was an emergency!
David: Huh, your priorities are all wrong, sis. (Notice a pimple on Julie’s face.) Nice pimple you have there, by the way.
Julie: Pimple?! What pimple?! (Julie runs to look in the mirror) Aaaargh! It’s huge! It’s so big!
David: Ha ha ha, with all that make-up you use, I’m not surprised. (Laugh and leave.)
Narrator: Of course Julie is in shock. Now this is really an emergency.
(Julie stops doing her homework and goes straight to the bathroom. She found a jar of “Miraculous Herbal Mask for pimples” and read the instructions.)
Julie: (Read slowly) Put a small amount on the affected area and leave on for twenty minutes max. Wash off with warm water.
(Talk to herself) Excellent, so if I put a large amount of this on my whole face over night, it will be even better, right?
(Julie puts the mask on her whole face and lies on her bed.)
Narrator: So that’s exactly what she did and went to bed looking like Godzilla!
(Lights off)
Scene 3
(The alarm clock goes off at six o’clock)
Narrator: It’s another beautiful day. Julie wakes up at the six o’clock. She walks to the bathroom to wash her face, but there’s something wrong…(Julie tries every way to wash off the mask.)
Narrator: She tries warm water, hot water, and cold water. Use her fingers, a sponge, even her toothbrush! The rock hard and bright green mask stays well on her face. She couldn’t even move her mouth to speak. (Julie wants to speak but she can’t. She runs to her parents’ room with the jar of mask)
Narrator: She goes to her parents’ room and wakes them up.
(Julie wakes her parents up. Her mom opens her eyes and screams.)
Mom: Aaaargh! (Waking up her father.)
Father: Julie, is that you? (Julie nods) What is that on your face?
Julie: Grgmmf…hrmmphgh…gh. (Julie shows her parents the mask jar. Then they understand.)
Mom: You silly girl, can you follow the simple instruction? Don’t you do experiments in science any more or what?
Julie: Gffrr…
Dad: Right. Get dressed, Julie. You’re going to school. I’m sure the mask will come off sooner or later.
Jule: HHRGGHHDD!
Mom: Yes, dear. Be patient.
Narrator: Julie couldn’t believe her ears. School! Looking like a green monster. How could she face her classmates today?
Scene 4
Classmate A: Look at that. Is that Julie?
Classmate B: Oh, my god. She looks so funny!
Classmate A: Yeah, How could she come to school like this?
Classmate B: She’s just like the green giant—Hulk. (They both laugh at Julie)
Debbie: You look like the Ness Monster! Can we call you Nessie? (Two girls burst into a laugh)
(The whole class start laughing. Then the first class bell rings)
Teresa: Listen Nessie, your face is green, my T-shirt’s pink and Debbie’s jeans are blue. We can’t possibly sit together today!
(They both laugh and walk away. Cathy sees that scene.)
Cathy: Hi, Julie. There’s a seat next to me, if you want. (They go to the back of the classroom and sit down.)
Cathy: Hey, come on, silly. Don’t cry because of them. They’re just stupid.
(Julie can’t help stop, and salty tears run down her face. Cathy starts smiling and gets a mirror out her bag.)
Cathy: Look, Julie!
Julie: NNNGGGG!(She doesn’t want to look at her horrible green face.)
Cathy: Look! (Julie looks into the mirror.) The salt in your tears is reacting with the mask, you see. A simple chemical reaction. Can you speak now?
Julie: Yes! Yes, I can. Oh Cathy, thank you so much. I’m so sorry I was horrible to you yesterday.
Cathy: Don’t worry, Julie. Now do you understand how I felt?
Julie: Hmm, Terrible. Oh no, here comes Doctor Murphy. I haven’t done my homework!
Cathy: Here you are, Julie, you can copy mine.
Julie: Oh thanks a lot, Cath. You are too good to me. How can you ever forgive me?
~The End~
不满意,自己找去：http://www.***.net/Article/eng/Index.html

马勒戈壁
词义：比喻天下太平,不再用兵.现形容思想麻痹.
出处：《尚书.武成》：“王来自商,至于丰,乃偃武修文,归马于戈壁之阳,放牛于桃林之野,示天下弗服.”
卧槽泥马：形容识人不明.表示明明其能力不足.但上位者因为种种原因或糊涂.任其肆意妄为.
⑵形容虚有其表,窃居名位者.表示即使给某人相应的地位.但其能力不足是无法改变的.（等同于烂泥扶不上墙.沐猴而冠）
⑶形容模仿不到家,反而不伦不类.
卧槽泥马
出自《战国策·楚策四》
伯乐多良马.其有邻亚犁.曾与人言.“我亦善识马.有一骏马.伯乐不及.”人皆疑.欲观之.亚犁恐.乃以草泥置一卧马于槽中.众人视之笑其蠢.皆曰：“此何良驹.卧槽泥马尔.”
中国语言博大精深,楼主给分

时光如水,生命如歌.”在白驹过隙间,我们又送走了紧张的一学期,迎来了又一个暑假.
“从今天开始放假了.”老师话音刚落,同学们便欢呼起来：“放假了!放假了.”老师还说了些什么,没有谁听清了.大伙像放飞的小鸟,摆脱了书本的束缚.一拥而出,奔向回家的路.
走出教室,我深呼了一口气.我觉得自己犹如一只单色的氢气球,上学的日子里,老师紧紧的牵着我.放假了,老师放松了手中的线,让我飞向我梦想的地方.
放假的感觉真好.早上睡到十点多才睁开惺忪的睡眼.不紧不慢地穿着衣服,不用在担心爸妈的催促.细细地品味那武汉的风味小吃.空调吹来的凉风令我不由得想到同学.他们一定和我一样此时都在家享受着空调所带来的清凉.
放假的感觉真好.抱上一本闲书故意地从爸妈面前走过.他们的脸上挂着笑,似乎原来所反对的闲书,此时再看起来已经不闲了.
放假的感觉真好!
二、痛苦章
好日子似乎永远都是那么地短暂.对于明年即将成为毕业生的我,这样的好日子就更加的短暂了.
为了让我在最后一年里,成绩能有突飞猛进.妈妈给我订下了目标：抓紧假期的每一天.
母命难为.我的好日子迅速地终止了.每天的学习任务安排得居然比上学的时候还满.几点到几点学英语,几点到几点完成作业,几点到几点学数学,几点到几点学语文.时间经过妈妈精心的安排,居然连一点玩的时间都没有了.真烦!像这样.我的暑假生活何乐之有.
居然怀念起上学的日子来.平时,在学校只不过多一些条条款款的限制,多一些上课的疲惫,多一些作业……但用心地去体会,却可以发现同学之间的友情其实很纯洁,学习生活不仅很有规律,而且那紧张的学习、生活其实很充实.如今,我听不见悦耳的铃声,看不见同学们欢快的身影,只听得见妈妈无休止的唠叨,只看得见爸爸一脸的严肃.我只有满腹的无奈和无尽的烦恼.
三、愤怒章
在暑假里,同学们像一只无拘无束的小鸟,没有学习沉重的负担,没有母亲断续地唠叨,在属于自己的空间里自由地飞翔,到游泳池边尽情地嬉戏,任由晶莹的水珠在四处跳跃,到风景如画的东湖,体会那湖水浸湿群衫的别样风情,走进热闹的超市,品味那空调所带来的那份清凉,坐在电脑桌前,让电脑键盘在指间奏出“噼哩啪啦”的美妙乐章.而我呢?不仅被安排了令人窒息的学习任务.而且,还失去了家长原有的地位.
回想上学的日子.每天早上妈妈都会早早地起来为我端来专为我设计的营养早餐.可现在到好.肚子饿得咕咕叫,妈妈推爸爸,爸爸推妈妈.最后一致认为是我不讲道理,自己放假在家,却不让父母睡懒觉,好好休息休息.太不体谅父母的辛苦了.最后只能饿着肚子学到了中午,早饭都省了.
下午,我正在做习题.爸爸在外面喊了起来：“女儿,给我们倒杯水.”原来趁我放假在家,不必担心影响我的学习.老爸邀了一帮子同事前来“码长城”.这下好,倒上一杯水,刚想出来的答案一下子给忘记了.平时一下午可以写四个练习,现在好,一下午只能写一个.以前总是抱怨自己一人在家寂寞无聊.现在呢?热闹了,却成了服务生.
. 每个人在夏天就盼冬天,到了冬天就盼夏天,一开学我就盼放假,可一放假又想上学了.这个意识,在今年这个暑假特别强烈.

话剧名：吻青蛙就会给你带来王子
name:kissing a frog can always brings you a prince
需要四五个人：一个旁白,一个公主,一只不爱洗澡的青蛙,一到两只干净的青蛙.
需要道具：服装,一枝花,一张帅哥的照片,还有其它的道具你可以自添加.
场景：森林里,破井边.
旁白（头上插枝花）：long long ago,a bueatiful princess who was as bueatifull as a.
(开始思考,突然大悟,取下头上的花）.right!flower.
she is lonely so the Queen of love promised a prince of frog for her,she told her to go out one day.(公出场).
the princess walks near the castle and.
公主（以下简称公）台词：
Oh,Venus,Queen of love,can you tell me where is my fate?where is my handsome prince?where is the prince of frog?
白：Suddenly,she discovered that she had walked in to a strange forest,when suddenly again,a frog appeared in front of her.
（青蛙把王子的照片藏在领子里,出场,蹲在地上,要表现出自己很脏很邋遢,但不能让人恶心,记住）
公：(惊喜）Oh Venus,thank you my Queen of love,I see it,I see the frog.let me see,(走过去）
oh my god,this frog is so.(闻闻,然后捏住鼻子,犹豫,来回走）,is it really the frog for me?
（看看周围,）aren't there any other frogs?
这时,早就在场边待命的干净青蛙,跳动起来：YES YES other frogs we are here ,see?we are here.（重复说we are here!)
旁白冲过去,敲那些“青蛙”的头,说：“sh.sh.shut up ,shut up."
脏青蛙(很不耐烦)：excuse me my lady?please tell me how long you want to keep me waiting?
公主：(惊慌,赶紧给它洗澡.)don't be angry lovely little frog,you need a shower first.旁白过来用花把它扫干净.
白：now the princess is going to kiss her frog.
公要亲它头的时候,它突然站起来,吐出（从领子里抽出照片）给公主.
说：thank you young lady,the Queen of love told me to give this to you after the shower,she promised me a shower here.
公主：what?（大吃一惊）
青蛙：She told me to give this photo to you to thank you for the shower.now you take it,just take it.
公：so you are not my frog of prince.公主接过照片,青蛙走人,公主看一下,然后晕倒.
白冲过来扶住她,同时大声念：
my dear,the man on the photo is the prince I promise you,tel NO.131232313266

去新东方论坛下载吧,新概念的,你要的都有,要是没有积分,那你就回复一些帖子,赚点积分就可以了.

A Brother Like That
A friend of mine named Paul received an automobile from his brother as a Christmas present.On Christmas Eve when Paul came out of his office,a street urchin was walking around the shiny new car,admiring it.
"Is this your car,Mister?" he said.
Paul nodded."My brother gave it to me for Christmas." The boy was astounded."You mean your brother gave it to you and it didn’t cost you nothing?Boy,I wish ..." He hesitated.
Of course Paul knew what he was going to wish for.He was going to wish he had a brother like that.But what the lad said jarred Paul all the way down to his heels.
"I wish," the boy went on,"That I could be a brother
like that."
Paul looked at the boy in astonishment,then impulsively he added,"Would you like to take a ride in my car?"
"Oh yes,Id love that."
After a short ride,the boy turned with his eyes aglow,said,"Mister,would you mind driving in front of my house?"
Paul smiled a little.He thought he knew what the lad wanted.He wanted to show his neighbors that he could ride home in a big automobile.But Paul was wrong again."Will you stop where those two steps are?" the boy asked.
He ran up the steps.Then in a little while Paul heard him coming back,but he was not coming fast.He was carrying his little crippled brother.He sat him down on the bottom step,then sort of squeezed up against him and pointed to the car.
"There she is,Buddy,just like I told you upstairs.His brother gave it to him for Christmas and it didn’t cost him a cent.And some day Im gonna give you one just like it ...then you can see for yourself all the pretty things in the Christmas windows that Ive been trying to tell you about."
Paul got out and lifted the lad to the front seat of his car.The shining-eyed older brother climbed in beside him and the three of them began a memorable holiday ride.That Christmas Eve,Paul learned what Jesus meant when he said:"It is more blessed to give ..."

2013-05-17 11:44人物:Narrator:It’s Christmas time.B is rehearsing Christmas songs in the yard for his School Chorus.
A---在睡觉,B---在窗外唱歌.他后来引来众人.
场景:A在屋里.(摆张桌子,和椅子,趴在桌子上睡)
B:(clear his throat,starts singing) I wish you Merry Christmas ,I wish you Merry Christmas,I wish you Merry Christmas and a happy New Year.I wish…
A:(wakes up) what is that noise?(Pretends to open the window)
B:What did you say?I can not hear you and sing at the same time?
A:I want to sleep.I don’t want any singing.
B:What did you say?You want more singing?I will find a friend.
Narrator:B calls a friend C to join him.
B and C:(sing)
Jingle bells
jingle bells
jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh……
A:(shouts) I want you to stop singing!You are giving more!(go back to sleep)
B:What did you say?You want more singing?We will find another friend.
Narrator:So B and C call for another friend D.
B and C and D:(sing):
Jingle bells
jingle bells
jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh……
A:(shouts and shakes one hand) you must stop singing.I am tired.I can not take much more.(Sleeps)
B:What did you say?You want much more singing?We will find many friends.
Narrator:So B and C and D found more friends to join them.
B and C and D and a group of friends:(sing)
Jingle bells
jingle bells
jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh……
A:(shouts and shakes two hands) Stop!Your singing is too loud!
B:loud?Yes,We can sing loud.
Narrator:So they sing very loud.(sing)
Jingle bells
jingle bells
jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh……
A:(shouts) Please!I want to sleep!I wish that you would all go away!
B:Go away?Why didn’t you say so in the first place?
Narrator:so the children go away and they will sing in another place.
All the children bow to the audience and leave the stage.
A:(goes back to sleep)
The end

男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗?）
女：Actually I’d rather have the money.（不必,我我宁愿留下那些钱.)
男：Can I have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗?）
女：Why?Don’t you already have one?（为什么?你不是已经有一个了吗?）
男：I’m a photographer.I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师.我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸.）
女：I’m a plastic surgeon.I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生.我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸.）
男：Is this seat empty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧?）
女：Yes,and this one will be if you sit down.（是的,如果你坐下,我的座位就是空的.）
男：Haven’t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你?）
女：Yes.That’s why I don’t go there anymore.（是的.这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因.）
男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗?）
女：Sorry.I’m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉.这个周末我头疼.）
男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐.）
女：Why?Are you leaving?（是吗?你是说你要离开?）

（一） A man goes to church and starts talking to God.He says:"God,what is a million dollars to you?" and God says:"A penny",then the man says:"God,what is a million years to you?" and God says:"a second",then the man says:"God,can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" （二） Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies.The nurse comes up to the first man and says,"Congratulations,you got twins." The man said "How strange,I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says,"Congratulations,you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm,strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally,the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations,you got twins x2." Man is happy and says,"Ironic,I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place,cursing God and banging his head on the wall.They asked him what's wrong and he answered,"What's wrong?I work for 7up"!（三） Osama Bin Laden,a Canadian,and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp.They rubbed it and a genie came out and said,"I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." The Canadian said,"I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true.Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true.President Bush said "Genie,tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow!That’s a big bridge...Fill it with water!My Baby Swallowed a Bullet Young Mother:"Doctor,my baby swallowd a bullet.What shall I do Doctor:"Don't point him at anybody."

　　1、 用我三生烟火,换你一世迷离.
　　2、 我自是年少,韶华倾负.
　　3、 长街长,烟花繁,你挑灯回看,
　　短亭短,红尘辗,我把萧再叹.
　　4、 终是谁使弦断,花落肩头,恍惚迷离
　　5、 多少红颜悴,多少相思碎,唯留血染墨香哭乱冢.
　　6、 苍茫大地一剑尽挽破,何处繁华笙歌落.斜倚云端千壶掩寂寞,纵使他人空笑我.
　　7、 任他凡事清浊,为你一笑间轮回甘堕.
　　8、 寄君一曲,不问曲终人聚散.
　　9、 谁将烟焚散,散了纵横的牵绊.
　　10、 听弦断,断那三千痴缠.坠花湮,湮没一朝风涟.花若怜,落在谁的指尖.
　　11、 山有木兮木有枝,心悦君兮君不知.
　　12、 相忘谁先忘,倾国是故国.泠泠不肯弹,蹁跹影惊鸿.
　　13、 昔有朝歌夜弦之高楼,上有倾城倾国之舞袖.
　　14、 待浮花浪蕊俱尽,伴君幽独.
　　15、 一朝春去红颜老,花落人亡两不知.
　　16、 静水流深,沧笙踏歌；三生阴晴圆缺,一朝悲欢离合.
　　17、 灯火星星,人声杳杳,歌不尽乱世烽火.
　　18、 如花美眷,似水流年,回得了过去,回不了当初.
　　19、 乌云蔽月,人迹踪绝,说不出如斯寂寞.
　　20、 这次我离开你,是风,是雨,是夜晚；你笑了笑,我摆一摆手,一条寂寞的路便展向两头了.
　　21、 天不老,情难绝.心似双丝网,中有千千结.
　　22、 似此星辰非昨夜,为谁风露立中宵.
　　23、 十年生死两茫茫,不思量,自难忘,千里孤坟,无处话凄凉.
　　24、 蝴蝶很美,终究蝴蝶飞不过沧海.
　　25、 终于为那一身江南烟雨覆了天下,容华谢后,不过一场,山河永寂.
　　26、 风华是一指流砂,苍老是一段年华.
　　27、 山河拱手,为君一笑 .
　　28、 几段唏嘘几世悲欢 可笑我命由我不由天.
　　29、 经流年 梦回曲水边 看烟花绽出月圆.
　　30、 雾散,梦醒,我终于看见真实,那是千帆过尽的沉寂.
　　31、 生生的两端,我们彼此站成了岸 .
　　32、 缘聚缘散缘如水,背负万丈尘寰,只为一句,等待下一次相逢.
　　33、 看那天地日月,恒静无言；青山长河,世代绵延；就像在我心中,你从未离去,也从未改变.
　　34、 就这样吧,从此山水不相逢.
　　35、 既不回头,何必不忘.既然无缘,何须誓言.今日种种,似水无痕.明夕何夕,君已陌路.
　　36、 心微动奈何情己远,物也非,人也非,事事非,往日不可追.
　　37、 也许是前世的姻 也许是来生的缘 错在今生相见 徒增一段无果的恩怨.
　　38、 一年老一年,一日没一日,一秋又一秋,一辈催一辈 一聚一离别,一喜一伤悲,一榻一身卧,一生一梦里 寻一夥相识,他一会咱一会 那一般相知,吹一会唱一会.
　　39、 总在不经意的年生.回首彼岸.纵然发现光景绵长.
　　40、 有一种隐忍其实是蕴藏着的一种力量,有一种静默其实是惊天的告白.
　　41、 只缘感君一回顾,使我思君朝与暮.
　　42、 举杯独醉,饮罢飞雪,茫然又一年岁.
　　43、 转身,一缕冷香远,逝雪深,笑意浅.来世你渡我,可愿?
　　44、 一花一世界,一叶一追寻.一曲一场叹,一生为一人.
　　45、 尘缘从来都如水,罕须泪,何尽一生情?莫多情,情伤己.
　　47、 谁应了谁的劫谁又变成了谁的执念.
　　48、 你若撒野 今生我把酒奉陪.
　　49、 人生若只如初见 当时只道是寻常.
　　50、 心有猛虎,细嗅蔷薇.盛宴之后,泪流满面.

“I'm sorry ,Madam ,but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .” “Twenty d ollars!Why ,I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!” “Yes ,but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .” “对不起,夫人,为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元.” “20美元!为什么?不是说好只要4美元.” “是的,但是你的孩子大喊大叫,把另外四个病人吓跑了.” TWO：Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract.Now,can anyone give me a good example?John：Well ,in the summer the days are long,and in the winter the days are short.老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理.现在,谁给我举个例子?约翰：嗯,在夏天天都长,在冬天天都短.

Funny,isn't it?I have no idea of how to shape my future,but I am still doing these boring things.

这人的行为确实不应该,有些专家的素质确实不怎么样
而推荐,应该是系统推荐,一般来说推荐字数多的,在这点上你确实吃亏了.
不过现在已经由管理员转而推荐你了

我认为槑这个字不可以长久流行
这种网络现象出现的因素,是青少年希望通过另类的方式来表达情感,这样的方式看似搞怪,其实也折射出青少年想要表达自己,却又不愿意雷同于他人的矛盾心理.这几个字只会被网民潮流般的使用一段时间,之后将有更多的其他方法来用于表达自我.这是青少年勇于创新,不甘停滞的体现.
我认为这个字可以长久流行
这种网络现象是基于人们的不断创新,而这种创新的表达方式正日渐流行,当一种被人们认可的表达方式形成后,将有可能发展成为一种全新的文化.

今天晚上，我在网上看了一个成语故事叫“好好先生”，看完之后，把我逗得 哈哈大笑 。 东汉时候有个叫司马徽的人，有一天他和他的妻子在街上买手镯，他的妻子问他：“这个手镯好看吗？”司马徽摇了摇头，突然他发现他的妻子脸色不对，赶紧补充说：“好看！好看！”他的妻子听完立刻 眉开眼笑 。“哎！世界上有些人就是喜欢听好话，”所以司马徽想干脆他以后就 投其所好 吧，别人问他什么他就说“好”，这么想着，他和他的妻子正好碰见了他们的一位朋友，朋友说：“大哥，最近过的好吗？”“好！”“我最近搬到这住了，”“好啊！”“只是我的儿子病死了！”“真是好！实在是太好了！”…… 不用我说，你们也一定知道，司马徽把他们的这位朋友给气跑了，过后司马辉的妻子气愤地对他说：“你怎么这样说话？人家儿子死了你还‘好啊’？”“老婆你批评得好！实在是好！真是好极了！”，这回真的把他的妻子气得无语了…… 哈哈，要是我们班上也出现一个这样的“好好同学”，那我们不被他笑死才怪！假如老师上课问这个同学一个问题，可是问了半天，这个同学还是没有任何反应，老师批评他说：“你肯定上课没认真听讲，给我站起来！”这个同学回答老师说：“老师您批评得太好了，简直是 至理名言 啊！”你们猜老师会不会被他给气个半死呢？？这到底是让老师消气还是给老师火上浇油啊？ 看来，“好好先生”不是那么容易做的，生活中我们不管做任何事情都不能生搬硬套，而要分清说话人的语气和场合才对，否则就会闹出像司马徽一样的笑话了！

When I finally finish all this homework,it will be worthless,because I will be 60 years old.

由已知A的平方+A－1＝0知道 A的平方是2分之3或-1
A的平方+（2A）的平方是A的平方+4A的平方是5A的平方
当A的平方是2分之3时,5A的平方是2分之15
当A的平方是-1时,5A的平方是-5

一时间也说不来.
要找这些句子,建议去“糗事百科”看看网友们的评论.
评论里面有大量精彩的、幽默的、有文化的句子.

粉妆玉琢 粉装玉琢 红飞翠舞 美如冠玉
捧心西子 文过饰非 宛转蛾眉 文章星斗 鲜眉亮眼
信言不美 衣冠楚楚 玉貌花容 粉妆玉琢 粉装玉琢 红飞翠舞 玉貌花容 装点门面 装潢门面 倾国倾城 如花似玉 花枝招展 沉鱼落雁 闭月羞花 国色天香 沉鱼落雁
闭月羞花 冰肌玉骨 才子佳人 沉鱼落雁 齿白唇红 愁眉啼妆 出水芙蓉 绰约多姿 淡妆浓抹 二八佳人姑射神人 国色天香 国色天姿 花容月貌 环肥燕瘦 娇小玲珑 绝代佳人 梨花带雨 林下风气 眉目如画 眉清目秀 美如冠玉 靡颜腻理 明眸皓齿千娇百媚 倾城倾国 螓首蛾眉 如花似玉 双瞳剪水 亭亭玉立 我见犹怜 仙姿佚貌 小家碧玉 秀外惠中 夭桃秾李 一表非凡 一表人才 一笑千金仪态万方 月里嫦娥 稚齿婑媠 掷果潘安 朱唇皓齿
国色天香 倾国倾城 貌美如花 香草美人 仙姿玉貌 花容月貌 绝代佳人 冰山美人 天生丽质 秀色可餐 如花似玉 国色天香 倾国倾城 貌美如花 香草美人 仙姿玉貌 花容月貌 绝代佳人 冰山美人 天生丽质 秀色可餐 如花似玉 亭亭玉立 亭亭玉立
沉鱼落雁
倾国倾城
国色天香
闭月羞花
婀娜多姿
粉妆玉琢
红飞翠舞
美如冠玉
捧心西子
文过饰非
宛转蛾眉
文章星斗
鲜眉亮眼
信言不美
衣冠楚楚
玉貌花容
粉妆玉琢
粉装玉琢
红飞翠舞
玉貌花容
装点门面
装潢门面
倾国倾城
如花似玉
花枝招展
沉鱼落雁
倾国倾城
国色天香
闭月羞花
衣冠楚楚
玉貌花容
粉妆玉琢
粉装玉琢
红飞翠舞
玉貌花容
装点门面
装潢门面
倾国倾城
如花似玉
花枝招展
粉妆玉琢
红飞翠舞
美如冠玉
捧心西子
文过饰非
宛转蛾眉
文章星斗
鲜眉亮眼
信言不美
衣冠楚楚
玉貌花容

皇帝的新衣 :
祝成功!

Two Sisters
Two sisters find new jobs as saleswomen in a company. The first month is not easy. They work hard but sell nothing. The younger sister gives up in the second month. She leaves the company and finds another job. The older sister stays. She says she wants to have one last try. One year later, the older sister owns a car and a house. But the younger sister is still poor.
The younger asks her sister: “Why?” the older sister says, “ I got my first order the day you left. They liked my work. So they gave me more orders. Now life is good for me.”
So, keep working and never give up. You’ll get what you want.

One day,a teacher took his pupils to a chicken farm to pay a visit.When they came near the incubator,chick just got out of its egg shell.
一天,老师带学生到养鸡场参观,当他们走近孵化器时,刚好一只小鸡破壳而出.
"It's wonderful to see a little thing come out from the egg shell,isn't it?" the teacher said.
“看见一个小生命从蛋壳里出来,岂不是很奇妙的吗?”老师说.
"Yes,sir." said one of the boys," but it would be more wonderful if we knew how a chick gets in to its eggs hell before hand."
“是的,老师.”一个男学生说,“可是,如果我们知道它是怎样事先钻进蛋壳里的那就更奇妙了.”

故意刻画夸张的老师

我来到了这个暗黑世界,天昏地暗,忽然一道闪电劈中了我,原来是上帝嫉妒我的帅气,老天看不下去了,@#￥@#%@#,上帝陨落了.

还是很重要有时还会引起误解.如 "I stop laughing" 和 "I stop to laugh" 意思完全不同.前一句是"我停止笑",后一句是 "我笑出来了"

今夜电闪雷鸣,风雨交加.一片草地上屹立着一颗大树,突然一道闪电划过,炸雷响起,劈到了大树上.瞬间树被劈裂,轰然倒下,压倒一地小草.哈哈我居然有幸见证这件事,明天又可以跟小伙伴们炫耀啦.
你猜我遇见了什么?昨天打雷下雨,我家门口有一棵树被雷劈到,压倒一地的小草,哈哈,这样的事情都能让我遇到,是有多么幸运呢!,

这个的果短情意浓,
挤在这个腿间
你是冬一个暖阳暖心田
这个至桑榆易中茫,行为失当然由缰
为么·过中如歌过中如泣,
你就是飘逸于天边的一么朵白云

如果你遇到了困难,千万不要退缩,因为你并不孤单,我们是你的坚强后盾.
如果你真的想要这个,千万不要以逸待劳,因为没有不付诸努力就成功的.
如果你是勇者,千万不许轻言放弃,因为坚持到底就是胜利.

People mountain people sea. Give you some color see see

方言,北京话

搞笑的 Let me take it down An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ." "Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know." 为我所用 一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西.” “请再说一遍,让我把它记下来.”老鼠说.“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听.

小明：I am sorry!
老外：I am sorry too!
小明：I am sorry three!
老外：What are you sorry for?
小明：I am sorry five!
二
A; How are you
怎么是你,
B:how old are you?
怎么老是你?
A:You don't bird me,I don't bird you.
你不鸟我,我也不鸟你
B:You have seed I will give you some color to see see,brothers !together .
你有种,我要给你点颜色瞧瞧,兄弟们,一起上!
A:You Give Me Stop!
你给我站住!
as far as you go to die
有多远,死多远!
B； I give you face you don''t wanna face,you lose you face ,I turn my face.
给你脸你不要脸,你丢脸,我翻脸 .

　　John
　　1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
　　2 He was with God in the beginning.
　　3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.
　　4 In him was life, and that life was the light of men.
　　5 The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.
　　6 There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John.
　　7 He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe.
　　8 He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light.
　　9 The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.
　　10 He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him.
　　11 He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him.
　　12 Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God--
　　13 children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.
　　14 The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
　　15 John testifies concerning him. He cries out, saying, "This was he of whom I said, 'He who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.'"
　　16 From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another.
　　17 For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.
　　18 No one has ever seen God, but God the One and Only, who is at the Father's side, has made him known.
　　19 Now this was John's testimony when the Jews of Jerusalem sent priests and Levites to ask him who he was.
　　20 He did not fail to confess, but confessed freely, "I am not the Christ."
　　21 They asked him, "Then who are you? Are you Elijah?" He said, "I am not." "Are you the Prophet?" He answered, "No."
　　22 Finally they said, "Who are you? Give us an answer to take back to those who sent us. What do you say about yourself?"
　　23 John replied in the words of Isaiah the prophet, "I am the voice of one calling in the desert, 'Make straight the way for the Lord.'"
　　24 Now some Pharisees who had been sent
　　25 questioned him, "Why then do you baptize if you are not the Christ, nor Elijah, nor the Prophet?"
　　26 "I baptize with water," John replied, "but among you stands one you do not know.
　　27 He is the one who comes after me, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie."
　　28 This all happened at Bethany on the other side of the Jordan, where John was baptizing.
　　29 The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, "Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!
　　30 This is the one I meant when I said, 'A man who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.'
　　31 I myself did not know him, but the reason I came baptizing with water was that he might be revealed to Israel."
　　32 Then John gave this testimony: "I saw the Spirit come down from heaven as a dove and remain on him.
　　33 I would not have known him, except that the one who sent me to baptize with water told me, 'The man on whom you see the Spirit come down and remain is he who will baptize with the Holy Spirit.'
　　34 I have seen and I testify that this is the Son of God."
　　35 The next day John was there again with two of his disciples.
　　36 When he saw Jesus passing by, he said, "Look, the Lamb of God!"
　　37 When the two disciples heard him say this, they followed Jesus.
　　38 Turning around, Jesus saw them following and asked, "What do you want?" They said, "Rabbi" (which means Teacher), "where are you staying?"
　　39 "Come," he replied, "and you will see." So they went and saw where he was staying, and spent that day with him. It was about the tenth hour.
　　40 Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, was one of the two who heard what John had said and who had followed Jesus.
　　41 The first thing Andrew did was to find his brother Simon and tell him, "We have found the Messiah" (that is, the Christ).
　　42 And he brought him to Jesus. Jesus looked at him and said, "You are Simon son of John. You will be called Cephas" (which, when translated, is Peter).
　　43 The next day Jesus decided to leave for Galilee. Finding Philip, he said to him, "Follow me."
　　44 Philip, like Andrew and Peter, was from the town of Bethsaida.
　　45 Philip found Nathanael and told him, "We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote--Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph."
　　46 "Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?" Nathanael asked. "Come and see," said Philip.
　　47 When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him, "Here is a true Israelite, in whom there is nothing false."
　　48 "How do you know me?" Nathanael asked. Jesus answered, "I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you."
　　49 Then Nathanael declared, "Rabbi, you are the Son of God; you are the King of Israel."
　　50 Jesus said, "You believe because I told you I saw you under the fig tree. You shall see greater things than that."
　　51 He then added, "I tell you the truth, you shall see heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man."

He is funny！

什么是智商? 两个人在烈日下挖沟.其中一个人对另一个人说：“为什么我们要在洞里挖沟,二我们的老板却可以躲在树荫下乘凉呢?” “我不知道,”另一个人回答说,“我去问问他.”于是他便爬出洞,走到他老板面前说：“为什么我们要在大太阳下挖沟,二你可以在树荫下站着?”“智商问题,”老板说. “智商问题是什么意思?” 老板说：“好吧,我演示给你看.我把我的首放在树上,我希望你以最大的力气用你的拳头击打我的手.” 挖沟人用力挥舞着拳头,想要击打老板的手.可是老板迅速移开了手,然后挖沟人的拳头落在树上了.老板说：“这就是智商.”挖沟人返回洞里.他同伴问,老板怎么说? “他说我们之所以在下面是因为智商问题?”“什么智商问题啊?”同伴问道.挖沟人吧手放在他自己的脸上,说：“拿起你的铁锹,击打我的手.”
此笑话的笑点是说那个挖沟人的愚钝.一字一字敲的,望给奖励.

一位妈妈,一个男孩,一个女孩,一个卖冰激凌的女子(也可以是男子)
男孩和女孩停下来,不走了,一屁股坐在了路边(用凳子代替)
MOTHER;what is the matter,children?(非常关心的,急切的)
GIRL;we are tired...(声音含糊不清)
BOY;...and thirsty,mum.(声音含糊不清)
MOTHER;sit down here.(温柔的)
MOTHER;are you all right now?(温柔的)
BOY;no.we are not.(声音含糊不清)
ICECREAMWOMAN;ice cream!ice cream!(大声的)
MOTHER;look!there is an ice cream(中间停3秒钟再说后面的,给人一个你只看到冰激凌的感觉)...woman.
MOTHER;two ice cream,please.(恭敬的)
ICECREAMWOMAN;ok.here you are!(利索的)
MOTHER;here you are,chilgren.(面带微笑)
CHILDREN;thanks,mum.(一把抢过来就往嘴里送)
GIRL;these ice creams are nice!(吃完后,很享受的样子)
BOY;yes!yes!(非常兴奋)
MOTHER;are you all right now?(很期待的,作了一个"GO"的动作)
CHILDREN;yes,we are,thank you!(很高兴的)
在这两个网站里有

道具、2辆自行车,一只打气筒,一个粗布小袋和几张小纸币,一小节气嘴皮管.剧情如下：一人带一人（此人手拿打气筒）骑车,同时唱着英语歌上,车后轮气不要太足,尽量瘪点,模仿上坡骑不动了,下车检查明白了,动作尽可能滑稽些,幅度一定要大,（英语台词自编）打气,完毕,取下气嘴,气门漏气,检查是小皮老化炀了,粘在手上甩不掉,用另一只手取下又粘在另一手上还是甩不掉,摊手示意无奈,此时另一组人（尽可能穷酸老土又小气相）骑一破车带人上,前组看到做喜出望外状,示意停下求其帮助,后组一人张大嘴巴瞪大眼睛看前组的靓车（注意动作一定要滑稽）向同伴示意前组是有钱人,明白前组求助之意后,后组退一边示意敲诈点钱,然后一人向前组频频点头示有小皮管,掏布袋取物,小纸币掉落（最好用风扇幕后吹风）做追抓捡钱状（小硬币也可）追抓滚动小硬币.然后取出小皮管,也可再掉落一次小钱追抓.将小皮管交前组人,在前组人伸手时迅速收手示意要钱,前组人拿2元钱,后组罢手示意嫌少,前组出5元,后组继续罢手,前组犹豫一下,出示10元,遭罢手...直至50元,后组大嘴大眼点头伸手接钱,做透光验真假,朝钱弹手指,将小皮管拿给前组,当前组接物时又迅速缩回,到破车取下气门芯,取下旧皮管交前组,前组一声叹息,摇头并无奈接过装上车打气,此时后组得意并看钱,前组打气毕欲上车走,后组突然意识自己车需打气,赶快叫住前组,示意借用打气筒,前组犹豫片刻,点头示行,不过,示意打一下10元钱,经讨价还价以5元一下成交,数后20下打好气,后组付不起钱,经前组教育并认错,后和好并一起上路.（就此意思,可自己再完善）初次预想,拿不出手请见笑了.

1女子医院广告:没到女子医院,别放弃生育梦想.（到了女子医院,就放弃了.）
2想知道清嘴的味道吗 清嘴含片
看看这个：一理发师挂出招牌：我只给所有不自己理发的人理发.（他的头发怎么理?）
3英特尔奔腾：给电脑一颗奔腾的“芯”.
4校长说：不能穿混混装!
他说：穿什么就是什么,森玛服饰.

这是我自己写的.
我就把六个人称为A.B.C.D.E.F.不过人物E 是没有多少台词的.
On The Way Home回家的路上
Six high school students are walking on their way home,talking,laughing,...
六个高中生走在回家的路上,一边聊天,一边笑.
A:hey,guys,what are you going to do when you get home?
喂,哥们,你们放学后干什么啊?
B:I'm going to watch the soccer game replay.My parents won't let me watch in the early morning.I'm so mad at them.
我要看足球重播.我爸妈不让我大清早起来看.我还在生他们的气呢.
All:(sing)If you're mad and you know it stamp your feet(everybody stamps his feet)
大伙(唱) 如果你知道你生气你就跺跺你的脚(跺脚)
C:I think I'm going to get something to eat first.I'm so hungry.
我一回家就要找吃的.饿死我了.
ALL:(Sing) If you're hungry and you know it touch your tummy,mmm...(everybody toches his tummy)
大伙(唱)如果你知道你饿了你就摸摸你的肚皮(摸肚皮)
A:(to D) what about you?
A(对D说) 你呢?
D:(pretend to yawn)I can't wait to lie down on my sofa.I'm so sleepy.(yawn again)
D:(装打哈欠)我恨不得马上躺在沙发上.真困!(打哈欠)
All except E:(sing)If you're sleepy and you know it take a nap(pretend to take a nap while yawning)
大伙E除外:(唱)如果你知道你困了你就打个盹(打盹)
all of a sudden,A realizes E is nowhere to be found.
突然,A 意识到E不见了.
A:(to F)E,where is
A(对F说) E,F
F:I have no idea.He was with us one minute ago.
不知道呀.刚才还在啊.
Eeverybody turns around looking for E.
大伙四处寻找E
B:Look!there he is!(pointing )
在那!他在那!(手指远处)
C:oh oh,he is with a stray dog.
不好了,他和一个流浪狗在一起.
D:I know he likes dogs.
他喜欢狗.
F:but that dog looks mean.
但那狗样子很凶唉.
A:we’d better tell him to stay away from that mean looking dog.
我们快叫他别理那狗.
Everybody:(shouting) E!Come back!Come Back!
大伙(大声叫)E!回来!回来!
B:Oh my god!He is bleeding!
天啊!他流血了!
D:The dog bit him!
他被狗咬了!
F:Hurry up!
快过去看看!
Everybody runs to E.E moans in pain.(pretend moaning)
大伙跑过去.E 疼痛地叫着(装疼叫)
ALL:(to E)are you all right?
你怎么样?
E:(shakes his head and keeps moaning)
(摇头,疼叫)
A:let’s call for help!
快叫救护.!
All:help!Help!
有人被狗咬了!有人被狗咬了!
They can not find any help nearby.
附近没有人.
B:Let me carry him to the hospital.
我背他去医院吧!
All:let’s go!
走!
B picks up E and carries him on his back.
B 背起E.
They go to the hospital.
他们朝医院走去.
The End
剧终
这是我今天一起床第一个回答的问题.不知道你们会不会唱那首歌”If you’re happy and you know it”,如果不会就照读好了.唱歌的话效果会好些.

夏天避暑把自己关冰箱,第一次做饭把糖当成盐放(或者是放了很多盐),第一次洗衣服结果变成玩肥皂泡,做饭煮汤圆结果用冷水煮成一坨,独自买菜把葱错买成蒜苗什么的
建议楼主去看看糗事百科,里面搞笑的事情挺多的