搞笑哥哥 作文

搞笑数学老师数学老师招牌动作，举起两根手指，对同学们说：“同学们，学好数学关键就是三个字!‘多做练习’！！”真是手口不一啊！有一回，上数学课，数学老师说：“请大家把书翻到43块钱。”全班皆晕。后来同学们在背后给数学老师起了个绰号为财迷。数学老师最大特点是性子急。有一次，语文老师想问一问自己班数学考得怎样：“我们班数学考得怎样？”数学老师刚好有急事，这个急性子的毛病又发作了：“100分90人，90分80人，70分60人，60分50人，50分40人，40分30人，20分10人～～平均分～好啦！你自己慢慢算。”等语文老师清醒过来，他已消失在茫茫人海中了。下午，数学老师自动找到语文老师：“不好意思，其实你们班并没有那么多分，都是我早上太急了，全说错了，不好意思。”数学老师一个劲地陪笑，但样子就像在哭一样，让人哭笑不得。数学老师三大特点，搞笑全校各个学生，人称搞笑数学老师。

李刚同学家刚买了一部数码相机,他高兴极了赶忙到大街上过过"照片瘾''!
他来到大街上一看,哇!好多可以拍的,只听到相机"咔嚓咔嚓''响个不停,突然,他看到了两位父母在一个5岁的小儿子面前哭笑不得束手无策的样子,一下,把当时的搞小画面拍了下来.如果是不知前因后果的话简直就是丈二和尚摸不着头脑!但是你们如果听了下面的一段故事的话,肯定会恍然大悟了,那就请大家仔细听好了哟!那是一家望子成龙的父母,为了让自己刚满5岁的小儿子早长点知识,迫不及待的让孩子去外面学话(注意,这里的是指学习说话).他接到命令后,就去学话了.
他先来到一个建筑工地,听到了一个工程师紧张有急促地喊声:"房子要倒啦,快跑!''他然后来到了一个猪圈外,看见了许多的猪全部往外跑,看猪圈的老爷爷立即喊:"公猪母猪不要跑!''他记住了这句话.最后,他来到了一户农家门口.看见了一个孙子在打爷爷,爷爷吓唬说:"孙子打爷爷,爷爷不给糖吃!''他又记住了这句话.
回到家,爸爸妈妈问:"小宝贝,今天你学到了什么?''小儿子脱口而出:"房子要倒啦,快跑!''爸爸妈妈飞奔出来."公猪母猪不要跑!''爸爸妈妈气急败坏.走过去要揍他一顿,才刚出拳头,小儿子又说了:"孙子打爷爷,爷爷不给糖吃!''最后也就造成了这样的一个情景.
照片洗出来了,李刚把照片拿给他的同学看,并说了事情的前因后果.他们看了之后,有的笑的直按肚子;有的眼泪都流出来了……
你说好笑不好笑,这也就叫做聪明反被聪明误!!

真的要说的话…那我就说了…在此…我为大家说一个骂人的…开始：你十八班武艺不练,你非要练剑,练剑就算了,人要有个追求啊,你剑神,剑圣不当你非要当剑人,你金剑、铜剑不用你非要用银剑…

First Flight　　Mr.Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents,so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane,Mr.Johnson ...

Big Head
“All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head”
“Don't listen to them.”his mother comforted him.“You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes”
“Where's the shopping bag?”
“I haven't got one,use your hat.”
大脑袋
“所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑,”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说:“他们说我长了一个大脑袋.”
“别听他们的,”他妈妈安慰说:“你的脑袋长得很漂亮.好了,别哭了,去商店买10磅土豆来.”
“购物袋在哪?”
“我没有购物袋,就用你的帽子吧.”
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱.
“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说. “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说.“再给你两分钱.可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”
“她是个卖糖果的.”
Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父亲在哪儿?
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画.
“看,”哥哥说,“这些画多漂亮呀!”
“是啊,”弟弟说道,“可是在所有这些画中,只有妈妈和孩子.那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”
哥哥想了会儿,然后解释道:“很明显,他当时正在画这些画呗.”

　　中学英语小品-Little Red Riding Hood
　　Little Red Riding Hood：Ashley（需有舞蹈动作） Dad：Lan Foxes：Wison Tim
　　Ducks：Suzy Vivian（需有舞蹈动作） Wolf：Daisy Hunter：Linda Grandpa：Bruce
　　：Little Red Riding Hood家 音乐1起
　　Dad： (爸爸拿着一个篮子,把桌子上的水果放在篮子里）
　　Little Red Riding Hood:(唱着歌,欢快地跑进来）Hi, dad, what are you doing?
　　Dad： （一边把水果放在篮子里,心事重重地说）Grandpa is ill. Here are some apples and bananas for
　　Grandpa. Take them to Grandpa.
　　Little Red Riding Hood：（边提起篮子,边点头说）Ok!
　　Dad： （亲切地看着Little Red Riding Hood说） Be good. Be careful.
　　Little Red Riding Hood： Yes , dad．Goodbye, dad.
　　Dad： Bye-bye. Darling.
　　(一阵轻快的音乐2由远而近,Little Red Riding Hood挎着篮子蹦跳跳地)
　　Little Red Riding Hood: Wow, So many flowers, how beautiful!
　　Fox A: Hi, little girl. what are you doing here? There is a wolf here.
　　Little Red Riding Hood: I am going to grandma’s home.
　　Fox B: Be careful!It must like to eat you.
　　Little Red Riding Hood: oh, really?
　　Fox A: Yes, he’s very cruel.
　　Little Red Riding Hood: Thank you very much!
　　Foxes: Take care of yourself! Bye-bye!
　　(Little Red Riding Hood挎着篮子继续蹦跳跳地跳到花草旁)
　　Little Red Riding Hood： I like the pink flowers! （放下篮子采花）One flower ,two flowers, three
　　flowers...
　　Wolf：（随着一阵低沉的音乐3,Wolf大步地走上台）I am a wolf. I am hungry. (做找东西状,东张西望)
　　Here is a little girl. Hi! Little Red Riding Hood. Where are you going? (做狡猾的样子和
　　Little Red Riding Hood打招呼)
　　Little Red Riding Hood：(手摸辫子,天真地回答)To Grandpa’s．Grandpa is ill.
　　Wolf：（自言自语）I' ll eat Grandpa. But……（对Little Red Riding Hood说）Hey, look! 6 little
　　baby ducks. Wolf：（悄悄地藏到大树后）
　　音乐4起
　　Little Red Riding Hood：（停止跳舞）Hello! Baby ducks,How are you?
　　Duck A: We are fine. Thank you. Can we help you?
　　Little Red Riding Hood：No thank you.
　　Duck B: What are you doing here?
　　Little Red Riding Hood：Grandpa is ill. I am going to grandpa’s home.
　　Duck A: Oh, you should be careful. There is a wolf.
　　Little Red Riding Hood：Yes, foxes told me. Oh, I must go to grandpa’s home now, bye.
　　Duck B：Goodbye.( Little Red Riding Hood下场,ducks随后下场)
　　Grandpa:（喘着气出场,颤颤悠悠地走到床前,坐到床边,喘了几口,打几个哈欠,慢吞吞地躺倒在床上.）
　　Wolf：（从树后出来,边走边说）I am very hungry now. (做找寻的样子)Where is Grandma’s house? (高兴
　　地对观众说)Aha , it’s here.(敲门)Bang, Bang, Bang．
　　Grandpa： Who is it?
　　Wolf：（装出Little Red Riding Hood的声音,一边得意地摇动尾巴）It’s me. Little Red Riding Hood.
　　Grandpa： (边说边起床) Come in, come in.
　　Wolf：(得意洋洋地走到床边) Grandma , I’ll eat you.
　　Grandpa： （惊慌失措地抓紧衣服,瞪着眼睛,边叫迫从床上滚到地上）
　　灰狼把外婆吞到了肚子里.
　　Wolf：（得意地拍拍肚子,翘起大拇指）Yummy!I’ll sleep.
　　Little Red Riding Hood：(高兴地敲门)Grandpa．Grandpa．
　　Wolf：(装扮成Grandma的声音) Who is it?
　　Little Red Riding Hood：It’s me.Little Red Riding Hood. What a strange noise!
　　Wolf：Come in, Come in.
　　Little Red Riding Hood：(蹦跳着进来,把篮子放在桌上,走到床前看,跳回几步)Oh! What are big ears!
　　Wolf：I can listen to your sweet voice.
　　Little Red Riding Hood：Wow! What a big eyes!
　　Wolf：I can see you pretty face.
　　Little Red Riding Hood：Oh! What a big hand.
　　Wolf：I can hug you.
　　Little Red Riding Hood：（跪在床前,拉起Wolf的手,边摸边说）Look! What a big hands?
　　Wolf：(从床上跳起来说)I can eat you!
　　Little Red Riding Hood：(拼命地跑)Oh!No! No!
　　Wolf：（追到Little Red Riding Hood,做吃状,拍拍肚子）It’s yummy. I still sleep. I like sleeping.
　　Hunter： (一边拿着枪,一边寻找出场)Where’s the wolf? Look! A door．(推门)The wolf is sleeping.
　　Wolf：(发出呼呼的响声)
　　Hunter：(端起枪想打,又放下)What a big stomach! (摸摸Wolf的肚子)Grandpa and Little Red Riding
　　Hood are inside .I must be hurry．(从桌紫拿起剪刀,举起) Look! Scissors. (做剪Wolf的肚子)
　　Cut, cut, cut.
　　Little Red Riding Hood/Grandpa：Thank you．
　　Hunter： Grandpa ,give me some needles and thread.Little Riding Hood ,Give me some stones．
　　Grandpa： (从桌紫拿来针线)
　　Little Red Riding Hood：(搬来几个石头)One, two, three.
　　Hunter： (把小石头装进Wolf的衣服里)
　　Grandpa： I'll thread it.
　　Hunter： (拿起枪)Woke up!
　　Wolf：(起床,两手托着大肚子)My stomach is so heavy.
　　Hunter： You big bad wolf, raise your arms!
　　Wolf：(边跑边说) Help! Don’t shot me!
　　Hunter： （开枪）Bang, bang!
　　Wolf： (应声倒下)
　　Hunter： The bad wolf is dead．
　　Little Red Riding Hood和Grandpa：Yeah! Thank you．
　　Little Red Riding Hood、Grandpa、Hunter（一起鞠躬）: Thank you

Weather Prediction
An old Indian chief was famous for predicting what the weather would do.
A group of people went up to the chief and asked him,"What will the weather be like tomorrow?"
The chief replied,"Much rain.Very wet."
The next day,it did rain and it was very wet.
Some more people went up to the chief and asked,"What will the weather be like tomorrow?"
"Much snow.Very cold." Sure enough,it snowed and it was very cold.
The next day,people were so impressed with this,they asked him another time.
Chief," they asked,"what will the weather do tomorrow?" The chief replied,"I dunno.Radio broken."

A man was hit by a cab in the street.He was brought to the hospital.His wife who was standing up by his bed,said to the doctor:"I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor,
Hearing this,the man moved his head and said:"I'm not dead.I'm still alive." "Be quiet,"said the wife."the doctor knows better than you!"
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."
The busis very crowded.Aman tries to get on,but no one gives way to him.
"Hey,let me get on the bus."the man shouts.
"It's too crowded.You'd better take the next bus."a passenger says to him.
"But you can't go withou me.I'm the driver."the man says.
公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车,但是没有人给他让路.
"喂,让我上车!"那位男士喊道.
"车太挤了,你最好坐下一辆"车上的一位乘客对他说.
"但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机!"那位男士说道.
One day,a father and his little son were going home.At this age,the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.Now,he asked,"What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk',dad?" "Well,my son," his father replied,"look,there are standing two policemen.If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But,dad," the boy said," there's only ONE policeman!"
一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家.这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题.他向父亲发问道：“爸爸,” “唔,孩子,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察.如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了.” “可是,爸爸,”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀!”
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese.The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate.The visitor smiled,put the cheese into his mouth and then said:"You must have better eyes than your mother,sonny.Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap,sir," replied the boy.
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意.这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子.过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里.客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好.你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上,先生.”那小男孩说.

Y:Excuse me,is this your book?
X:Thank you so much.
Y:You are welcome.Are you new admits?
X :yes.We just came to register yesterday.My name is Xiao ling.Nice to meet you.This is my best high school friend Lanlan.
Y:My name is Yani.Nice to meet you,too.This is my friend since childhood,Songtao.
S:hi!We both came from xxx.
L:really?I am from that city,too.We are all town fellows aren’t we?.It’s such a small world.
S:absolutely.We both major in computer science.What’s your major?
X:accounting.I don’t really like it.But my parents said this school offers excellent accounting programs and it will be easier for me to get a job later on.
L:My major is education.I want to be a teacher.I think it is cool.
S:I picked my own major because I know what I want.I just like computers a lot.I would like to be a computer programmer in the future.
Y:Well,I don’t know wether I really like it or not.I just follow Songtao where he goes.
X:I feel bad for those students who make it to the top but had to quit school because of financial problems.
S:My parents paid some of my tution and I said to myself that I want to be a somebody.But no matter how much I do,I will never be able to repay my parents for what they have done for me.
L:I think I will find some off campus jobs in summer.I don’t want to be a burden to my family .My parents have been working hard all their lives.
X:Lanlan,you are great.
S:look.The boys are playing basketball now.I will join them.See you !
X:let’s keep in touch,ok?
L:I don’t have a cell phone.Can I send you e-mails?
Y:Sure.Here is my cell phone number.12345678
And this is my e-mail address.Please write to me.
L:I will.
X:this is mine.:22334455.I am so glad to meet you.Take care!
Y and S:bye