笑话两人对话较长的

CUATION ：WET FLOOR!
加红色叹号,外加粗黑三角!

qi念第一声,不是第四声

小池里青蛙名叫,荷花慢慢摇动,青蛙不知向荷花唱了什么歌,听的荷花随歌摇动

废寝忘食 手不释卷 分秒必争 争分夺秒 通宵达旦 夜以继日 凿壁借光 韦编三绝 目不窥园 焚膏继晷 鸡鸣而起 磨穿铁砚 勤学苦练 风夜匪懈 风兴夜寐 无冬无夏 宵衣旰食 学而不厌 圆木警枕 幼学不厌 圆木警枕 幼学壮行 朝乾夕惕 只争朝夕 孜孜不倦 坐以待旦 争分夺秒 手不释卷 刻苦 攻苦食淡 苦心孤诣 囊茧照读 任劳任怨 埋头苦干 卧薪尝胆 悬梁刺股 仰屋著书 映月读书 映雪读书 勇猛精进 引锥刺股 凿壁偷光 折节读书 坐薪悬胆 专心 不敢旁鹜 不知肉味 目不窥园 倾耳而听 倾耳注目 一心一意 屏气凝神 全神贯注 专心致志 有恒持之以恒 坚持不懈 精卫填海 始终如一 始终不渝 水滴石穿 世上无难事,只怕有心人
我要笑话~

1 as a result of Jake's positive point of view,he always seesbrightly at the same time
2 Tang Mu the joke which said with the colleagues feels curious to me,but he has not understood
3 speaks of successfully,any person wants to stand out all needs topay the hemorrhage and the perspiration price
4 these facts cause us fully to realize,some rare and preciousanimals are being in exterminate the edge
5 children dress up oneself the superhuman,attracts adult's attention
参考一下吧

It depends——看情况而定 One day a doctor went to a store and bought a pair of shoes.Before he left the shoes counter,he asked the salesgirl:" How long will this pair of shoes last?" 一天,一位医生到鞋...

The Heaven and the Hell
　　Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory(炼狱) , being sized up by God. Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly(可怕的,惨白的) Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before, in your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go." Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?" God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly,if it will help your decision.
　　"Fine, but where should I go first?" "I'll leave that up to you." "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first." Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased. "This is great!" he told God. "If this is Hell, I really want to see Heaven!" "Fine," said God, and off they went. Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing(迷人的) as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision. "Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told God. "Fine," retorted God, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons.

He is really somebody-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.-- He is really somebody.What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.他真是一个大人物-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人.-- 他真是一个大人物.干什么的...

经典的《五个吸烟男生》
有五个男生吸烟被告密老师一一教来谈心：
第一个男生如实承认被很K一通；回到寝室后说：
哥们,我一个人都承担了,你们时可千万别认.
〔场景一〕
老师：老实说吸烟吗?
男生甲：不吸.
老师：不吸?嗯,吃根薯条吧.
男生甲很自然的伸出两根手指夹着接过来…………
〔场景二〕
老师：吸烟吗?
男生乙：不吸.
老师：不吸?嗯,吃根薯条吧.
男生乙由于听到甲的情况所以很小心的接过了薯条
老师：不沾点番茄酱吗?
乙一不小心沾多了于是马上用两根手指弹了弹――
老师：不吸?弹烟灰的姿势很熟练嘛.叫家长来!
〔场景三〕
老师：吸烟吗?
男生丙：不吸.
老师：不吸?好,吃根薯条吧.
男生丙因有前面两个例子很小心地流着汗吃完了薯条.
老师：不给同学带根回去吗?
男生丙接过薯条后顺手就夹在耳朵上………………
〔场景四〕
老师：吸烟吗?
男生丁：不吸.
老师：很好,吃根薯条吧.
男生丁心惊胆颤的吃完了薯条,又把薯条放到了上衣袋里.
老师突然大喊一声：校长来了!
男生丁感忙从口袋里取出薯条扔在地上,用脚使劲的踩了踩………………
〔场景五〕
老师：吸烟吗?
男生：不吸.
老师：很好,吃根薯条吧.
男生刚拿着薯条,
老师说：不请我吃吗.
男生感忙从双手递过薯条,然后掏出打火机………………
〔场景六〕
老师：吸烟吗?
男生：不吸.
老师：很好.吃根薯条吧
男生心惊胆颤的吃完了薯条,又把薯条放到了上衣袋里.
老师突然大喊一声：校长来了!
男生已手心冒汗低头说道：
老师：校长会闻到你嘴里的味道的.
男生从口袋中掏出薯条：安啦,还在这呢,火都还没点…
〔场景七〕
老师：你到底吸不吸烟?
老师：真地不吸?好,来吃根薯条吧.
男生：非常自然接过薯条吃个干净.
老师：真是个好孩子,你一般喜欢什么牌子的薯条呢?
男生：[得意忘形] 大中华……
场景N:
老师:吃根薯条吧!

这句话是说女主人公回到家之后,在这里首先要明白一个问题,即古代女子回家的含义,古代女子因为节操或者品德有问题会被赶离婆家,在这里主人公在没有娘家人去接的情况就回家会被人认为是个人品德不行,同时由于女子在古代地位非常低,没有发言权,男子在心理上有一种高高在上的态度.笑话自然是不可避免的.

幽默的
Friendship is like peeing on yourself:everyone can see it,but only you get the warm feeling that it .
Time is a great teacher,but unfortunately it kills all its pupils
Never take life seriously.Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Girls are like phones.We love to be held,talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
谜语
If you have it,you want to share it.If you share it,you don't have it.What is it?
A secret.
The more you have of it,the less you see.What is it?
Darkness
What goes up and never comes down?
Your age.
What is the moon worth?
$1,because it has 4 quarters.

There was a meeting with a large number of people.At first the speaker was very interesting,but as time went on,he became very boring.Finally when he was through,there was only one man sitting in the ...

第一道题我也想问= =所以不知道.
第二道题是：先把银元分成三组,每组三枚.第一次先将两组分别放在天平的两个盘里,如果天平不平衡,那么假银元就在轻的那组里,如果天平两端平衡,则假银元就在未称的第三组里；第二次再称有假银元的那组,称时可任意取两枚,分别放在两个盘里,如果天平不平衡,则假银元就在轻的那一个；如果天平两端平衡,则未称的那一枚就是假银元.
第三道题是：A.同位角相等,两直线平行 (公理) 内错角相等,两直线平行 (定理) 同旁内角互补,两直线平行 (定理)

十分简单 某日上课,老师宣布下节课小考.小明紧张地立即举手问老师会不会考得很难,老师只说了一句：“十分简单.”乐得大家拍手叫好,可是考完之后,每个人都惨不忍睹,怎么会简单呢? 于是小明又问老师,只听老师说：“我可没有说错哦,‘十分’简单,剩下‘九十分’很难!” 英文: Extremely simple Some date attends class, teacher under announcement festivalclass midterm exam. Young Ming anxiously immediately raises hand askedteacher can test very much difficultly, teacher only said: "Isextremely simple." Is happy everybody to clap the hands and shoutpraise, after but tests, each people all horrible to look at, how canbe simple? Thereupon young Ming also asks teacher, only listens to teacher tosay: "I may not speak incorrectly oh, ' ten points ' simple, is forleft over ' 90 minute ' to be very difficult!"
反映了考试需要下功夫,才能取得好成绩

My little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦, 亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊!
布朗夫人：没有用的,我的小狗不认识字.”
Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀.谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?
学生：我指不出,但我知道答案.
老师：请说说看.
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子.
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人.
-- 他真是一个大人物.干什么的?
-- 墓地守墓人.

一天,睿睿问敏敏：“你最喜欢什么树?"敏敏说：“我喜欢白杨.”睿睿说：“那我明天带白杨来给你看.”由于睿睿不知道白杨是什么,她便牵了一只白羊.第二天,敏敏看见“白杨”问道：“这是什么啊,是白杨吗?”睿睿说：“这就是“白羊”啊!”

Tom’s Birthday
It was Tom’s birthday,and he was five years old.He got quite a lot of nice birthday presents from his family,and one of them was a beartiful big drum.
“Who gave him that thing?”answered Tom’s mother.
“me”said his father.
Of course,Tom liked his drum very much.He made terrible noise with is,but his mother did not mind.His father was working during the day,and Tom was in bed when he got home in the evening,so he did not hear the noise.
But one of the neighbours did not like noise at all.So one morning a few days later she took a sharp knife and went to Tom’s house while he was hitting his drum.She said to him,”Hello,Tom,do you know,there’s something very nice inside your drum.Here is a knitf.Open the frum and let’s find it.”
那天是汤姆五岁的生日,他从家人那里得到了很多不错的礼物,其中有一件礼物是一只漂亮的大鼓.
“这是谁给他的呢?”汤姆妈妈问道.
“我.”爸爸说.
当然,汤姆非常喜欢这个大鼓.虽然他敲鼓的声音很难听,但妈妈却从不在意.汤姆爸爸因为白天工作,而且当爸爸回家时汤姆已经睡觉了,所以爸爸并没有听见过这些噪音.
但是,他们的一位邻居非常不高兴.几天后的一个早上,当她又一次听到汤姆的噪音时,她带着锋利的小刀来到汤姆家：”嘿,汤姆,你知道吗你的鼓里有好东西,打开它,我们一起找找那好东西吧
我可找了半天才找到合适的,给我分吧

Hi,Jack,I have heard of your problems in learing Chinese.You don't have a very standard Chinese pronounciation,but it can be acceptable.When I learnt English at the very beginning,I didn't pronounce English well,either.If so,you can try to listen to some CCTV news,even you can't understand them very well.But it's helpful.And I will advice you to practicing more and more even sometimes you will make some mistakes.You said that you can't identify some Chinese character.You can keep remembering these characters to solve the problem. As to the Chinese cluture,it's a long-term way to study,so you can always keep an eye on it and accumulate your knowledge.

你的回答完美的解决了我的问题，谢谢！

藏头诗,希望能帮到你 祝君长咏梦熊诗,
愿报何人得桂枝.
王母夭桃一度开,
芬芳鸡舌向南宫.
生死向前山可穴,
日更时中望不斜.
快活不知如我者,
乐游原上清秋节.
笑他寒燕一双双,
口口相传不记文.
常闻欲向沧江去,
开元之人乐且康.

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students.He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.一天,教授正在给学生们监考.他发下试卷,然后回到讲台前等待.Once the test was ove...

我这里有个简单又好笑的
是教材里的
A teacher was asking a student a lot of questions but the student couldn't answer any of them.The teacher then decided to ask him very easy questions so that he could get a few right.
"Who was Beethoven?'"She asked.
The student thought for some time and then answered,"A king".
"No,he was a musician,"the teacher said.She was getting a little angry now,but she was trying not to show it.
The she asked,"Who was the first president of the USA?"
The student thought for a long time,but he didn't say anything.Then the teacher got very angry and shouted:"George Washington!"The student got up and begin to walk towards the door.
"Come back!"the teacher said."i didn't tell you to go."
"Oh,I'm sorry."the student said,"I thought you called the next student."
一位老师在问她的一位学生很多问题,但这位学生一点儿也答不上.最后老师决定问他一点简单的,让他能答上几题.
老师问:"谁是贝多芬?"
那位学生想了一会儿,说:"一个国王."
"不,他是一位音乐家."老师说.她已经有点生气了,但她竭力不让自己表现出来.
然后她再问,"谁是美国的第一任总统?"
那位学生想了很长时间,最后没能说出来.老师非常生气地大叫:"乔治.华盛顿!"学生站起来,想走出门口.
"回来!"老师说,"我没让你走!"
"哦,对不起."学生说,"我以为你叫下一个学生的名字."
哎.打得好辛苦啊.
如果您喜欢,

Lession 1
A private conversation 私人谈话
Last week I went to the theatre.I had a very good seat.The play was very interesting.
I did not enjoy it.A young man and a young woman were sitting behind me .
They were talking loudly.I got very angry.I could not hear the actors.
I turned round. I looked at the man and the woman angrily.They did not
pay any attention. In the end ,I could not bear it . I turned round again
. ';I can';t hear a word!';I said angrily.
';It';s none of your business,';the young man said rudely .';This is a
private conversation!';
注释
文章主要是学习过去时态(用红色的动词)
Last week I went to the theatre.
*last week 是过去时间标志,went是go的过去式,go to the theatre
-去看戏
I had a very good seat.
我的座位很好
The play was very interesting.
戏很有意思
I did not enjoy it.
但我无法欣赏
A young man and a young woman were sitting behind me .
They were talking loudly.
一男一女在我身后大声说话
I got very angry.
*get angry-生气
I could not hear the actors.
我听不见演员说话
I turned round.
I looked at the man and the woman angrily.
我转身怒视他们
They did not pay any attention.
他们毫不理会 *pay attention 注意
In the end ,I could not bear it .
最后,我忍不住了
I turned round again
我又转头
. ';I can';t hear a word!';I said angrily.
很生气地说：“我一个字也听不见了!”
';It';s none of your business,';the young man said rudely .';This is a private conversation!';
“不关你的事,”男的毫不客气地说,“这是私人间的谈话!”

Please offer your seat to the old
Danger!
Is that all right?
你可以用Tips,就是贴心提示的意思

her jokes makes us all laugh.
he is good at English and can deal with children well.
which place does they always eat

The show was on.It is was dark in the cinema.One of the audience got up,moving along the row of seats and went to the smoking-room.A few minutes later he cameback and asked the man sitting at the head...

Can we have our teacher back?
Once a superintendent of schools was visiting a three-room school.One room was very noisy,so the man grabbed a tall boy who had been standing up talking.He took the boy into another room and stood him in the corner.Five minutes later,a smalll boy came out of the first room and said,"When can we have our teacher back?"
能让我们的老师回去吗?
有一次,一位督学去视察一个只有三间教室的学校.一间教室非常吵闹,因此督学抓住其中一个正在站着说话的人,把他带进另一间教室,并让他站在墙角.五分钟以后,一个小男孩从第一间教室走进来,问道,“您什么时候能让我们的老师回去呢?”
二 Who's More Polite?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite.The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies.But the fat man knew he was more courteous because,whenever he got up and offered his seat,two ladies could sit down.
谁更有礼貌?
一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌.瘦子说他更有礼貌,因为他经常对女士摘帽示意.但是胖子认为他更有风度,因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时,总有两位女士能坐下.
三 Expensive Price
Dentist:I'm sorry,madam,but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother:Twenty-five dollars!But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.
Dentist:I usually do.But your son yelled so loud,he scared four other patients out of the office.
昂贵的代价
牙科医生：对不起,夫人,为给您的儿子拔牙,我得收二十五美元.
母亲：二十五美元!可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀?
牙科医生：是的.但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤,他都吓跑四位病人了.
I Wasn't Asleep
When a group of women got on the car,every seat was already occupied.The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep,and fearing he might miss his stop,he nudged him and said:"Wake up,sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep?But you had your eyes closed."
"I know.I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我没有睡着
当一群妇女上车之后,车上的座位全都被占满了.售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了,他担心这个人会坐过站,就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他,说：“先生,醒醒!”
“我没有睡着.”那个男人回答.
“没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?”
“我知道,我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已.”
The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend."She asks me a question,then answers it herself,and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可怜的丈夫
“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难,”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说,“她问我一个问题,然后自己回答了,过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的.”Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother."How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger,"but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children.Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained,"Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父亲在哪儿?
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画.
“看,”哥哥说,“这些画多漂亮呀!”
“是啊,”弟弟说道,“可是在所有这些画中,只有妈妈和孩子.那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”
哥哥想了会儿,然后解释道：“很明显,他当时正在画这些画呗.”
Does the dog know the proverb,too?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman,"don't be afraid.Don't you know the proverb:Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah,yes," answered the little boy."I know the proverb,but does the dog know the proverb,too?"
狗也知道这个谚语吗?
一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子.
“没有关系,”一位先生说,“不用害怕,你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人.’”
“啊,我是知道,可是狗也知道吗?”

Exhausted husband to his wife, said: "Whoever calls to, say I'm not." For a while, phone rings, and his wife picked up the microphone and said softly: "Hey! My husband home now and then friends -" "I'...

Born to Win 生而为赢
Born to Win
Each human being is born as something new, something that never existed before. Each is born with the capacity to win at life. Each person has a unique way of seeing, hearing, touching, tasting and thinking. Each has his or her own unique potentials---capabilities and limitations. Each can be a significant, thinking, aware, and creative being---a productive person, a winner.
The word “winner” and “loser” have many meanings. When we refer to a person as a winner, we do not mean one who makes someone else lose. To us, a winner is one who responds authentically by being credible, trustworthy, responsive, and genuine, both as an individual and as a member of a society.
Winners do not dedicated their lives to a concept of what they imagine they should be; rather, they are themselves and as such do not use their energy putting on a performance, maintaining pretence and manipulating others. They are aware that there is a difference between being loving and acting loving, between being stupid and acting stupid, between being knowledgeable and acting knowledgeable. Winners do not need to hide behind a mask.
Winners are not afraid to do their own thinking and to use their own knowledge. They can separate facts from opinions and don’t pretend to have all the answers. They listen to others, evaluate what they say, but come to their own conclusions. Although winners can admire and respect other people, they are not totally defined, demolished, bound, or awed by them.
Winners do not play “helpless”, nor do they play the blaming game. Instead, they assume responsibility for their own lives. They don’t give others a false authority over them. Winners are their own bosses and know it.
A winner’s timing is right. Winners respond appropriately to the situation. Their responses are related to the message sent and preserve the significance, worth, well-being, and dignity of the people involved. Winners know that for everything there is a season and for every activity a time.
Although winners can freely enjoy themselves, they can also postpone enjoyment, can discipline themselves in the present to enhance their enjoyment in the future. Winners are not afraid to go after what he wants, but they do so in proper ways. Winners do not get their security by controlling others. They do not set themselves up to lose.
A winner cares about the world and its peoples. A winner is not isolated from the general problems of society, but is concerned, compassionate, and committed to improving the quality of life. Even in the face of national and international adversity, a winner’s self-image is not one of a powerless individual. A winner works to make the world a better place.

1.A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. "Now, children," said she , "has anyone of you ever make someone else glad?"
"Please, teacher,"said a small ...

什么是智商? 两个人在烈日下挖沟.其中一个人对另一个人说：“为什么我们要在洞里挖沟,二我们的老板却可以躲在树荫下乘凉呢?” “我不知道,”另一个人回答说,“我去问问他.”于是他便爬出洞,走到他老板面前说：“为什么我们要在大太阳下挖沟,二你可以在树荫下站着?”“智商问题,”老板说. “智商问题是什么意思?” 老板说：“好吧,我演示给你看.我把我的首放在树上,我希望你以最大的力气用你的拳头击打我的手.” 挖沟人用力挥舞着拳头,想要击打老板的手.可是老板迅速移开了手,然后挖沟人的拳头落在树上了.老板说：“这就是智商.”挖沟人返回洞里.他同伴问,老板怎么说? “他说我们之所以在下面是因为智商问题?”“什么智商问题啊?”同伴问道.挖沟人吧手放在他自己的脸上,说：“拿起你的铁锹,击打我的手.”
此笑话的笑点是说那个挖沟人的愚钝.一字一字敲的,望给奖励.

他们认为孔子空有一肚子学问,却无法回答他们的问题,这是墨家的文章,本来就是为了讽刺孔子的

首先“舞步”的英文表达是 dance moves
这里的“凌乱”个人感觉并不是说乱,而是一种美的表现.
英文中有个词叫 chaos ,意思是“混沌,混乱,无秩序”,已经上升到了哲学范畴,个人感觉比较贴合愿意.
因此“凌乱舞步”可翻译为：dance moves in chaos 或 chaotic dance moves
有点唯美的感觉,不知道您感觉如何.
个人意见,仅供参考.
不明白的可继续提问,欢迎一起讨论.

Theory of Material structure
本人应用化学……
物质结构这样翻译肯定没错了,那个理论是我自己加上去的.

"Freddie, why is your face so red? " Mother asked.
"I was running up the street to stop a fight." Freddie answered.
"That's a very nice thing to do." Mother said.
"Who was fighting? " Mother asked again.
"Me and Jackie Smith." Freddie answered.

刻舟求剑 有一个渡江的楚国人，他的剑从船上掉进了水里。他急忙用刀在船沿上刻了一个记号，说：“这儿是我的剑掉下去的地方。”船停止以后，这个人从他所刻记号的地方下水去找剑。船已经向前行驶了很远，而剑却不会和船一起前进，像这样去找剑，不是很糊涂吗? 还有：盲人摸象，井底之蛙，夜郎自大

从前，有一个老总，他会英语，但老是忘记。就请了一个专家来教自己。专家说：“‘w’朝上的是厕所。”结果，这个老总到了国外，有一次要上厕所，不记得哪个是厕所，就飞快地向麦当劳跑去。

After a patient saw a doctor,gave the doctor two penny.The doctor feel an injustice.Ask a patient
"This is to give my still to the nurse"
"Give you two people."
Although this joke be short and small,provide of language Jing knowledge very abundant.From"after a patient saw a doctor,gave the doctor two penny.The doctor feel an injustice"this small segment we know in the middle of the words,this be an occurrence at England of story,England of the doctor have already accepted to thank a gift of habit.But the penny be England minimum of monetary unit,this common sense language Jing and"the doctor feel injustice" of top and bottom written language Jing is comprehension this key"this is give my still give nurse of" of the joke provided support,the surface meaning of this sentence's is to ask penny be to the whose,but speech outside of idea be"you give of money be also too little?You can't take this son money for doctor"?The idea in the words which had confidence a doctor would comprehension patient answer hour creation of humor effect.It is thus clear that,the comprehension of speech be actually a reader or obedient according to the speech finished product,continuously revivification language Jing,comprehension the process of language idea.

English jokes

淀粉在口腔转化为麦芽糖, 蛋白质在胃里转化为多肽,脂肪在胃里转化为脂肪酸和甘油 接着以上三种产物加上无机盐.水都在小肠吸收,维生素在大肠吸收

她,是一个开朗的小姑娘；她,老是扎着公主小辫,两道眉毛下闪动着明亮的眼睛；她,就是我的好伙伴——小荇.
她很爱看书,是个十足的小书迷.在她家的书柜里,摆放了许多书：《十万个为什么》﹑《西游记》﹑《水浒传》﹑《上下五千年》﹑《同桌冤家》······小荇看书很入迷,在学校中午时看,在家里看,听说做梦也是和书有关系.
有一次,她妈妈叫她去买油.她只是回答了一声,嗯.捧起书津津有味地看了起来.过了一会儿,我又到她家做客时,看见小荇在看书,便问：“咦?小荇,你看的是什么书啊?”“《上下五千年》.”“说什么?”由于小荇说得很小声,让我听不清.“《上下五千年》!”她的声音提高了好几分贝.
这时,她妈妈听到了,从房间走了出来,正好看见了我,就微笑地对我说：“哦,小瑛啊!来做客?”“阿姨好!我来这儿做客.”她妈妈看见了小荇还在这里看书,就问：“小荇,你买了油了吗?”“啊······没有,我这就去买.”也许小荇她还沉浸在书中,竟然买回来了一瓶酱油.我和她妈妈哭笑不得地说：“谁,你真是个小书迷!”
她不仅是个小书迷,而且爱打篮球呢!
她打篮球有时忘记了时间,有时她妈妈叫她回家了,她还不肯走······
这就是我的小伙伴——谁

I’m fancying I was very embarassed when everyone else was laughing at meyesterday.

这上面有

He Won
Tommy:How is your little brother,Johnny?Johnny:He is ill in bed.He hurt himself.
Tommy:That's too bad.How did that happen?
Johnny:We played who could lean furthest out of the window,and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?
约翰尼：他害病卧床了.他受了伤.
汤姆：真糟糕,怎么回事儿?
约翰尼：我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了.
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,"What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan."I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里.他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?”
“一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说.
“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问.
“他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说.“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢.”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents."What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly."Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱.
“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说.“你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说.“再给你两分钱.可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”
“她是个卖糖果的.”
英语小笑话
上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球,一个老美看到就笑我说,"Do you
know what does it mean?It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著
性,缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快,联想力这么丰富时,旁边的
一个老美帮我解围,他说,有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn,他们的招牌歌之一就是
A.D.I.D.A.S,(All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟
能详的喔!下次就换你去取笑老美了
Drunk
One day,a father and his little son were going home.At this age,the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.Now,he asked,"What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk',dad?" "Well,my son," his father replied,"look,there are standing two policemen.If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But,dad," the boy said," there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家.这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题.他向父亲发问道：“爸爸,” “唔,孩子,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察.如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了.” “可是,爸爸,”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀!”

idicule sb.
laugh at sb.
make fun of sb.
play a joke on sb.

现代笑话有时代气息,说着也顺口
古代笑话有韵味,说出去显得博学...
(Sorry,3月26日貌似已经锅过了．．．）

从前有两个人,分别住在河两岸,两个人耳朵都不好,不过倒是都很客气.一天早晨,河西的看见河东的拿着把镰刀出门,就对着对岸大叫：喂!我说,你是去割草吗?河东的看见河西的向他大叫,知道是关心自己去做什么,于是大叫：啊,不,我是去割草呀!河西的看见对岸的人冲他大叫,知道对方回答自己了,很有礼貌地说：哦,是吗,我还以为你是去割草呢!

好家伙,英语课代表真的疯了,请问瑞姐是不是真要狂补英语尼?少那0.5分没关系的.帮你个忙吧.
First Flight第一次坐飞机
Mr.Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents,so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane,Mr.Johnson was very worried about accepting.Finally,however,his friend persuaded him that it was very safe,and Mr.Johnson boarded the plane.
约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机,他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道.所以,有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时,约翰逊先生非常担心,不敢接受.不过,由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的,约翰逊先生终于被说服了,登上了飞机.
His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport.Mr.Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing,so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.
他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行.约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落,所以他吓得紧闭双眼.
After a minute or two he opened them again,looked out of the window of the plane,and said to his friend,"Look at those people down there.They look as small as ants,don't they?"
过了一两分钟,他睁开双眼朝窗外望去,接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人,他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小,是不是?”
"Those are ants," answered his friend."We're still on the ground." “那些就是蚂蚁,”他的朋友答道,“我们还在地面!"