赴美带薪实习,寻求工作,邮件怎么写,需要注意什么?下面是我写好的一份,有什么需要改动的吗

赴美带薪实习,寻求工作,邮件怎么写,需要注意什么?下面是我写好的一份,有什么需要改动的吗
Dear Sir or Madam:
I am xx,a junior English major student from xx,China.I am writing to ask for your permission about this request.xxx who received your job offer on March 29th,can not go to Chicago because of her failure to get her visa whereas I still do not get a job for my 4-month work and travel period in America.The time to leave for America is near which is exactly what I am worrying about now.I have turned to xxx and she suggested that she could transform her job offer to me.Could you find this plan acceptable?If you could,I would like to accept the initial conditions of this job such as work payment and accommodation.I would like to ask your permission again.Your soonest reply will be appreciated.
Yours,faithfully
xxx